Now What?

not again             I cannot believe it has actually been two months since my last blog post. At that time I wrote of my mother-in-law’s death, and I mentioned how hectic life had been as a consequence. Well, life has continued unabated and at full steam. One bit of good news is that my daughter successfully defended her thesis, and she will graduate with a Master’s Degree in Fine Arts. My daughter emphasizes her degree is in “Fine Arts” as opposed to mine which is simply in the “Arts.”  Regardless, it sounds like both my daughter and I have degrees which might enable us to live under highway underpasses for long periods of time.  Oh, and I’ve had another back surgery.

When I last posted a blog post I addressed the issue of divorce in Colorado. While I want to return to that subject, I think the first think I want to address is what not to do during your family law case. First and foremost, bad behavior is never acceptable, and more importantly, if you are going to engage in reprehensible behavior do not post evidence of it on social media! Judges are always interested in what parties to a case really think about one another, and there is frequently no better place to see what mom and dad really say to one another than on Facebook, Twitter, by text or email.

So, the first lesson everyone involved in a domestic or family law case should learn is to “just say no.” Say no to the madness, and do not give into the temptation to blast the other party in your case. This means taking the higher road, something all of us often find hard to do, but ultimately doing so will pay dividends. Do not post nudes of the other party or make threats; do not comment on their choice of a new significant other, and never ever say anything you will be embarrassed to have read aloud in Court. We all remember “Miracle Max” from the “Princess Bride,” but there is a limit to even what he could do in your case if you have engaged in a negative social media campaign. Also take note that posting nude photos is often considered “revenge porn,” and is illegal, so do not do it.  I would not be writing about this if I was not seeing it.

The second rule to remember is that the children of a relationship are not property or tools with which to hurt the other party. Judges see this all the time, and there is no better way to influence a judge against you than to engage in this type of behavior. Accordingly, do not discuss parenting issues with children; if you do you are risking the anger of the judge.

Third, remember that absent some significant reason, as parents you are going to be co-parenting the children for a long time together. In Colorado this is until the child in question has reached age 19 and has graduated from high school. So, if you have young children, understand you could be interacting with the other party for over 10 years. What better time than now to begin to parent responsibly?

It does hurt when another person has been abusive, but the key in domestic cases involving children is to show the Court at least one party or parent is an adult. This cannot happen if you are engaging in the very behavior you are arguing is reprehensible.  The key in tense situations is to establish boundaries. Often a good parenting plan, with clear limits, goes a long way to establishing rules which limit the bad behavior of the other party. A good parenting plan, when properly followed, can put the court on your side if you follow the rules. If we can help you out of your situation give contact us.

 

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